Trust. An anchor word to ground into when the mind doubts itself.
Maybe Self-Trust Took Some Damage
Your body and mind have been collecting data from day one. & don’t forget— our bodies come with survival techniques and wisdom already downloaded.
So let’s lay some foundation.
Your last relationship was a storm. There were times you can look back on now when your inner voice was begging you to make a change.
Something is wrong. You gotta get out of there.
This isn’t right.
I don’t want to be in this relationship anymore.
The inner voice was screaming. But because of the time you invested, because the other person telling you to stay, because of the fear of the unknown– you told that voice to quiet down.
Maybe it’ll get better.
What if I never find someone else?
How could I start over?
What If You Haven’t Had a Relationship Yet?
Maybe you’ve been on the sidelines — watching others date, fall in love, get their hearts broken — while quietly wondering why it hasn’t happened for you yet. And in that waiting, a different kind of doubt creeps in.
Am I choosing to be alone, or am I too afraid to try?
What if I put myself out there and no one wants me?
What if I finally meet someone and I don’t even know what I’m doing?
This is its own form of self-trust damage. Not from ignoring your inner voice, but from listening to a protective voice that told you its safer to stay back.
Maybe love felt unpredictable or unsafe growing up. Maybe you watched relationships around you fall apart and decided — consciously or not — that it was better not to need anyone.
Whatever the reason, maybe we have landed in a very comfortable space where the quiet voice that desires connection is muffled by a louder voice which says staying out of the game works.
So, Self-Trust Took a Little Damage
(No biggie btw— we can reconnect to it.)
When we ignore our inner guide for a long time, the relationship between our intuition and aligned behaviors takes some damage.
Our inner self learns that no matter how loud she screams, change won’t come. The relationship gets frayed.
We start to believe that we aren’t going to show up for ourselves. We internalize the idea that we aren’t capable of making decisions in our best interest because that 20/20 hindsight vision is like how did you stay in that god-awful relationship for so long?
Here’s the thing. You can still trust yourself. It helps to forgive yourself first.
You did what you could with the information you had.
The version of yourself who stayed, she is human. Forgiveness, sisterhood, understanding, love, and acceptance can be extended to her instead of judgment. Extending grace can set free you.
Self-Trust Check-In
Do you trust yourself in dating? Sit with it for a moment, what comes up?
Struck gold? You are not alone, many of us have been there.
It can feel very confusing and genuine concern might come up that something is inherently wrong with you.
But this person has a good job, they are nice, why don’t I like them?
Should I go on a few more dates, even though I don’t want to?
I remember taking these questions to my own therapist, looking for advice.
She asked me, Do you trust yourself to choose the right person?
Hit me straight in the chest. Did I? Well I guess I didn’t. I was challenged to stop looking for external advice and instead connect with my inner voice.
This realization changed things.
It became time to stop outsourcing to friends, family, or ChatGPT.
The answers were within me.
They are within you, too.
What if I still get it wrong?
Maybe you explore with a person who is not your forever.
Maybe on your 10th date you find out they have a gambling addiction and they ask you for a ride home because their car was collected that morning.
Maybe you date a person who turns out to be a replica of your ex.
Oops, maybe you texted the ex last night at 2am.
It takes time to get to know people. We find comfort in the familiar, even when the familiar isn’t good for us.
Every encounter teaches us something — about them, and about ourselves. Trusting the process is part of trusting yourself.
The goal isn’t perfection. It’s awareness, growth, and a little more self-knowledge each time. And maybe you find your soulmate along the way.
How to check in with the self.
Hi self, do we want to spend more time with this person?
Notice what your body says before your mind starts negotiating.
Making excuses for someone’s behavior? Dreading plans you made? Feeling relief when they cancel? Listen to that. It’s information.
One important layer to keep in mind: attachment wounds and attachment style can sometimes make it hard to tell the difference between your inner voice and a protective, fear-based voice. The two can sound similar. For a deeper exploration of that distinction, check out this blog.
Key Takeaways
- Your inner voice has always been there.
- Self-trust erodes when we stop listening. The more we override the messages, the foggier the relationship with the self becomes.
- Forgiveness is foundational. It’s difficult to tap into our inner guide without extending grace to the version of yourself who stayed or retreated. She did her best.
- Be careful outsourcing instincts. The answers about who is right for you live inside you — not in a group chat. This doesn’t mean face life alone, but be careful letting others choose for you.
- Getting it wrong is part of the journey.